My boyfriend and I sometimes role-play when we have sex. I'm all for it, but lately, I've been bothered because he always wants to pretend that I'm younger than I am (nothing demented, but a legal teenager). Does this mean he has a thing for younger women and will eventually think I'm too old?
How do you pretend that you are younger, I hope it somehow involves the Jonas Brothers. To answer your question: No, he will not eventually think you are too old. He will instead spend every minute of free time cruising grade school chat rooms for new ideas, eventually culminating with him leaving you for an overweight college freshman. So yes, I guess he will leave you. The only way to stop this is to constantly nag him about his weight, friends and lack of career prospects.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Birthmarks
I have a large birthmark in the middle of my lower back — it’s like a tramp stamp gone wrong — that I’ve always been self-conscious about. Whenever I’m hooking up with a guy, I try not to show it because I’m embarrassed. I know it sounds silly, but it’s really affecting my sex life. Am I worrying too much?
It depends. Let’s say you look like Megan Fox. It won’t matter at all. No guy will have a problem fucking you if you had AIDS, let alone a birthmark.
On the other hand, if the clerk gives you condescending looks when you buy condoms, regularly claim that the scales are always off and religiously watch Two and a Half Men then you probably weren't going to attract any quality men anyway. Let’s face it. At this point in your life the only kind of men you can attract have hepatitis from getting stabbed with a knife fashioned out of a toothbrush while in prison. These men will ravage your unused vagina like a month old coffee filter and steal your tupperware. Look on the bright side, if you happen to be white, morbidly obese and have a birthmark that looks like it radiates cancer, you can always get an average looking black guy.
It depends. Let’s say you look like Megan Fox. It won’t matter at all. No guy will have a problem fucking you if you had AIDS, let alone a birthmark.
On the other hand, if the clerk gives you condescending looks when you buy condoms, regularly claim that the scales are always off and religiously watch Two and a Half Men then you probably weren't going to attract any quality men anyway. Let’s face it. At this point in your life the only kind of men you can attract have hepatitis from getting stabbed with a knife fashioned out of a toothbrush while in prison. These men will ravage your unused vagina like a month old coffee filter and steal your tupperware. Look on the bright side, if you happen to be white, morbidly obese and have a birthmark that looks like it radiates cancer, you can always get an average looking black guy.
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